omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
