I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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