she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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