Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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