VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
