Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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