morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
