he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
