Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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