Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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