I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
