can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
