so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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