Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
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