yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
