Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize