Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You smell like stripper and shame
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
