Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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