So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
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Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
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Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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