Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
