I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
