he puts the penis in happiness.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
