After last night, I could never be a politician.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
