She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
