so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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