You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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