So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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