If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
