I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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