I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
