like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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