omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
