shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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