so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
