Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
