Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
