I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
