She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
