Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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