Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
only you would photoshop your dick
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
