he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
