that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
