so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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