when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
