They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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