wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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