i would punch a child for taco bell
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
