I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
