the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
