shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
