we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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