I need help removing her.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
