So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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