I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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