I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
