I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She told me I should be a condom model.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
