It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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