Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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