thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Randomize
