Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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