i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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