this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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