Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
