my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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