I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
