Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
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Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
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Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize