): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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