Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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