do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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