I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
