sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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